Jungian psychoanalyst and writer Clarissa Pinkola Estes believes that there are twelve conditions for creating long-term relationships; they do not have a hierarchy and each of them is equally important.
1. Choose a person as if you are blind. Close your eyes and feel what you think about this person. About his kindness, loyalty, insight, devotion, his ability to take care of you and take care of himself as an independent being.
2. There is one major difference between a person who is able to become a partner for a long relationship and one who is able to be a partner only for a short time. And this distinguishing feature is the ability to learn. He who is not able to learn a new view of things, who is not able to see what is familiar in a new light, who is not curious about the world and how it works, how people work, very often closes and says “no everything can be the only way or the way. ”
3. Choose someone who wants to be the same as you: both strong and sensitive.For example, the power that a tree possesses. It can be hit by a strong wind, but because of its flexibility it will move with the wind. If it does not bend, it will break. Sensitivity is the ability to be alive and to perceive what is happening around.
4. Choose someone who shows that it hurts if you hurt him. And also vice versa. Choose someone who, having hurt you, also sees your pain and regrets it. It is very important.
5. Choose one who has your own inner life. Choose those who go their own way and perceive you as a partner and companion in this journey. These people have the ability to connect with others, but remain separate and this is a very important quality.
6. Choose someone who shares your hobbies. You do something together, it is stored in your memory and becomes the glue that connects you. You pull out these memories in order to recall the happy moments. And if there are no such pleasant memories, then it will be very difficult to survive difficult times together.
7. Choose someone who shares your values.In terms of children, the number of family members, gender roles, money, religion, etc., etc. As you can imagine - this is the ideal case. In reality, it is unlikely that people can completely coincide on absolutely all points. Not always and not in everything and certainly not at the very beginning of a relationship. But you can always see in which direction the relationship develops.
8. Choose someone who can sympathize. One who is willing and able to listen. Someone who is equally ready to spend his time on you.
9. Choose someone who can laugh at yourself. The importance here lies in the interaction and how exactly you feel next to a person, even during a quarrel. Being able to laugh at yourself at such a moment is a real gift. But even if, for example, your partner does not really like to joke, then pay attention to how he is able to stop a heated argument in the most difficult moment.
10. The ability to "whip" some flaws and characteristics. Those qualities (minor flaws) that once attracted us to a partner will later become the most annoying for us. Know in advance what you can put up with and what not.And don't let yourself be seduced by the thought that what seems annoying to others is really nice just because HE or She has this habit.
11. Choose not only to love each other, but also to be friends. This is manifested in whether you want to do for your partner what you are doing for your friend - that is, if you want to sit and listen to him, are you ready to talk about what he wants to talk about, do what he wants to do.
12. Make sure that the one you choose makes your life bigger, not smaller (better, not worse). This will tell you everything you need to know.