I do not want to forget you

Some people want to forget their parting. They want to forget all the bad things they have done. They want to move on. They want to leave everything behind. They want to bury everything.

But I do not want to forget. I want to remember.

I want to remember how he treated me. I want to remember how he flirted with me, how he made me believe that he cares about me. I want to remember how he wrote me cute messages, how he assured me that I was important to him. I want to remember.

I want to remember how I sat on the phone in anticipation of his message or call. I want to remember how I threw the phone into the wall, when I saw that he read my message, but did not bother to answer (so until 2 nights, of course). I want to remember how he said that he likes being with me, when in fact he only liked one part of me - the one between the legs.

I want to remember what it was like when I fell asleep next to him, and the next day there was no answer or greeting from him. I want to remember how my heart ached, so much so that in the end it broke. I want to remember all the lies, apologies and promises to correct.I want to remember what it feels like to feel used.
I want to remember romantic dates, although there were not many of them - so, just for a tick, it is enough that I stay with him and always respond to his messages.

I want to remember what it is like to be desired, to have someone who wants to rip your clothes off and see you. I want to remember what it is like to lay my head on his chest and slowly fall asleep. I want to remember what it is like to be an object of desire, passion, but not love. I want to remember this and never forget.

If I remember, it will never happen again. If I remember, I will better keep my heart.If I remember, I will not answer his midnight messages and calls. If I remember, I hope I don’t have to go through it all again.

If I remember, I hope I will be stronger. I hope I will become much more confident and find someone who will treat me differently.

I do not want to forget. I want to remember.

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